Art guy update

I know a few want to know what happened today
with art guy. Well, I hate to disappoint, but nothing
happened. I did indeed finish my little paintings last
night after I got home from dinner. I did indeed take
them to the gallery to show art guy and the owner of
the gallery. However, when I got there art guy was
busy with a client. I went and talked to the owner
for a bit and he liked the new pieces, but thought
the bigger little pieces were better and I agree.
They were the paintings I posted a while back.
Art guy was still busy when we were done talking,
so I just left. While I was there though I realized
that everything had changed. There was no spark
for me, none. Not even a flicker of a spark. I am
not sure what happened, but I guess it was just a
moment in time and that moment has passed. Oh well.
A bit of a let down, but nothing to cry over :-). I
promise I will post photos of the new paintings
tomorrow. For now I am a bit zonked. Love ya.

Random...

No photo, just words today and not very many of those I am afraid.
I am off to dinner with friends soon and I have to finish my little
paintings tonight, at least I was hoping to, but I am not sure it is
possible. First let me tell you about what happened last night. I had
a dream and in the dream I was "cool". Now for a girl that hates labels
and definitions that should not mean anything, but this girl has always
wanted to be cool. Always. Once in a while I manage it, but not very
often. I woke up from the dream feeling very good. What exactly cool is
I have not a clue, but I know it when I see it :-). I don't think you can
learn it in school either :-). I was hoping the dream self would somehow
make me cool today, but I fear that has not happened. Something nice did
happen though. I sparked with a guy. Nothing more than that, I just sparked.
He is the director of the gallery I covet more than any and he is cute.
Not drop dead or anything, but cute in his own way. I went in to bother
the owner, like I do at least once a month, just so he won't forget me, or
my paintings :-) and he was not there, but this guy was. I'll call him Art guy
just in case I make anymore posts about him :-). We sparked and it was nice
and he is smart and gets excited by art just like me. His eyes were all shiny.
I know I just broke up with Mr.B(LA guy) and that I am still in love with the
nameless one, but I can still spark with strangers..:-). Anyway he said he
wanted to see my new little paintings when they were done, so now I am in a
big hurry to get them done :-), so I can see him tomorrow...That is all for today,
I am off to eat and play. Have a wonderful evening everyone.

Simple things...

Another stunning photograph by Geraint Smith. This photo is of my favorite tree where we live in New Mexico. It's been a busy day, but I wanted to stop in and say hello and leave you with this lovely thought by Nietzsche: "For happiness, how little suffices for happiness!...the least thing precisely, the gentlest thing, the lightest thing, a lizard's rustling, a breath, a wisk, an eye glance-little maketh up the best happiness, Be still." Happy Monday everyone :-).

Spirit

Today I am thinking of how we define ourselves and I am also wondering why we think we have to define ourselves at all. We tend to define ourselves by things like what we do for a living, or how old we are, what we drive or how much money we have. People also assume many things about us by our own definitions, sometimes they make up some labels for us. In reality we are not any of those things. What we are is spirit. That is what I believe. We are spirit, always alive, always loving and forever. Whatever else we are is ego and really of no real power. So, anyway that is what is on my mind. Have a happy Sunday. The beautiful photo is by Geraint Smith.

Meme

I stole this from Julie :-).
1.ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
When I was around six or seven, it was twilight out side and I was running hard through a field. I ran right into a bobbed wire fence with my forehead, the spike went right in the middle of it and I still have a small round scar that you can barely see.
2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM? Paintings.
3. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN? No, sometime after midnight.
4. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
That's a hard one, but I'd say to be with the one I love, the one who will remain nameless for now.
5. WHAT DO YOU MISS? My family in Portland and friends in San Francisco.
6. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION? Besides my boys, my alabaster Buddha.
7. HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5′51/2"
8. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DAY? Very rare for me to be scared ever.
9. WHAT’S YOUR WORST FEAR? Someone I love dieing or leaving.
10. WHAT KIND OF HAIR COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX? It changes, but
the love of my life is blond.
11. WHAT ABOUT EYE COLOR? Blue
12. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK? Coffee
13. FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING? Cheese, basil and garlic.
14. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Ice cream.
15. FAVORITE COLOR OF ALL TIME? It changes every two years :-), right now it is sea blue.
16. HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A GOLDFISH? Nope
17. WHAT WAS THE FIRST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU EVER RECEIVED? I think it was a
fancy watch my mom gave me long ago.
18. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH? Viggo Mortensen
19. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND? None
20. WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU WANT? I am driving it already, a Subaru outback.
21. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING? Not on
purpose.
23. YOUR WEAKNESSES? A certain man who will remain nameless :-).
24. MET ANYONE FAMOUS?
It would take too long to name them, but the highlights are Sting, Bono, Peter Gabriel, Dennis Hopper and Dean Stockwell.
25. FIRST JOB? Baby sitting.
26. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL? When I was young.
27. DO YOU THINK EVERYONE OUT THERE HAS A SOUL MATE? Yes, but not just one. And
they won't always be a love interest when you do meet them :-).
28. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS OUT? Watching a movie.
29. HAVE YOU EVER HAD SURGERY? Yes.
30. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST? My eyes.
31. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY? I have all I need.
32. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT? That time has passed, too late now.
33. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Not that I know of.
34. WHAT IS THE BIGGEST TURN OFF OF THE OPPOSITE SEX? Stupidity.
35. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU MISS ABOUT GRADE SCHOOL? Recess.
36. WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE? Whatever is on sale and organic.
37. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Nope
38. ANY BAD HABITS? Many of them, but they are not too bad :-).
39. ARE YOU A JEALOUS PERSON? Sometimes.
40. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? I am sure of
it :-).
41. DO YOU AGREE WITH FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS? Sometimes, it worked for me once.
42. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER? I take really deep breaths.
43. WHAT’S YOUR MAIN GOAL IN LIFE? To be free.
44. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD? Outside.
45. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE? None, since I don't own one.
46. WERE YOU A FAN OF BARNEY AS A LITTLE KID? He was way, way after my time.
47. MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE? That is a hard one. M&C
48. DO YOU HAVE ALL YOUR FINGERS AND TOES? Yes.
49. DO YOU HAVE A COMPUTER IN YOUR ROOM? No
50. PLANS FOR TONIGHT? Going to bed.
51. WHAT’S THE FASTEST YOU’VE EVER GONE IN A CAR? About 100.
52. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO? Silence, my favorite.
53. LAST THING YOU DRANK? Water
54. REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT? Democrat
55. DO YOU HAVE A LOW SELF ESTEEM OR A HIGH SELF ESTEEM? Both, depends on the
day.
56. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? The Echo Maker byRichard Powers.

Mere ramblings

This is my little Mr. B, he is the one that is too thin. This is a Mr B and Spike story: Sunday morning I awoke to an awful sound of two cats fighting. It was Spike and Mr. B, the two brothers. I pulled them apart and saw blood. Mr B had one of his back nails pulled out of his paw and it was bleeding badly. After calling the vet and getting instructions to put flour on the wound, I locked him in the bathroom for the next two hours while the bleeding stopped. All was well. Then last night when I returned home from a book reading, I found blood on my futon and then I saw blood on Spike's back paw. The same paw that Mr. B had hurt. Unbelievable, but true. It seems Spike's bad karma had come back to him :-). Both cats are fine :-).

Today is another day off, but today I am going slowly. working on paintings (I promise photos soon) and reading and napping, whatever I feel to do in the moment. I forgot my practice of living for now a couple of days running and I could really tell the difference in the quality of my days. So easy to forget, but I am back in the saddle now :-).

Happy Friday everyone!

Rumi Poem

Busy, happy day off today, but I wanted to say hi and share this photo by Geraint Smith and this poem by Rumi:

The minute I heard my first love story,

I started looking for you, not knowing

how blind that was.

Lovers don't finally meet somewhere,

they're in each other all along.

Have a wonderful Thursday everyone.

Happiness

I have been thinking about happiness the last couple of days.

What is it exactly? I know the joy I feel when something really

great happens, but that feeling never lasts of course. I think real

true happiness, the kind that stays with you is something inside

yourself. You can't "get" it, or find it. I believe the way to that

happiness is through non resistance. By that I mean accepting

your life as it is, no matter what it's perceived flaws. This is not

a new concept nor is it an easy one to live. I do find that when I

let things be as they are without pushing against them my life

is much more happy. If I simply trust that I am always in the

right place at the right time and let go of all my thoughts on how

it is supposed to be, I feel happy. Have you ever noticed that

when you resist something that you label bad, things get worse?

Always worse. If you let go of control and surrender to what is

happening, things quickly make a change for the better.

Try this and see :-). That's it for today, love to all.

Movies

I am still a bit wordless, and I have no photo today, but I did
see a great film "No Country for Old Men". I did not get a
chance to see it when it was in theaters, but rented it the
other night. I still can't get the movie out of my head.
Yes, for those of you who have not seen it, it is very violent,
brutal and bleak. I go for happy movies as a rule and this
was not a happy movie. But I loved this film. The dialogue
is so beautiful, that is the only word I can find to discribe
it. The acting is perfect. I can see why it won best picture.
The only thing missing was my Viggo :-).
I also watched "Into the Wild" another wonderful film, but
very, very sad.
That's it for today. Have a wonderful Sunday.

Poem for the day

Another wonderful Geraint Smith photograph.

I have no words for today, but here is one of my favorite poems by Mary Oliver.

You do not have to be good.You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your bodylove what it loves. Tell me about your despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. Meanwhile the world goes on. Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes, over the prairies and the deep trees, the mountains and the rivers. Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again. Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting --over and over announcing your place in the family of things.

Love

I have used this image before, but I am using it again because I feel like it :-). The photo is taken of part of an art book project I did many moons ago. Love is on my mind today. There are many people whom I love and one whom I am in love with(though I don't think he knows about it) and I want you all to know that I love you, that includes all my friends, family, the nameless one, and all my new blogger friends who are all so supportive and kind. I even love the lurkers. I know I should tell the nameless one I love him, but we are friends and he is not interested(I think) and I value the friendship too much to scare him away. As for Mr. B, I do love him, but it is over, really done and is not going to happen. I did not want to move to LA anyway :-). (for those of you new to the blog Mr. B lives in LA). Now I will start to ramble if I keep writing, so I am done for today. It is my day off, so I am going on a long run and then I may or may not be inspired to clean my house :-). Have a wonderful Friday.

Life

This is sweet Zeus. He won't hold still long enough for me to get really good photos of him. Here is a close up. On my mind today is life, but more to the point death. The last week and a half have been hard as many people I love and care about are in pain. Grieving for loved ones who have died. There is nothing you can do, but love them. Words are insufficient, so hugs have to do. Everyone experiences death at some point no matter what and no one will get out of here alive. As much as we all hate it, it is a part of life. I deal with it in my own way as we all do. The only way I can make peace with death is to accept it and know that even when we don't understand why someone dies when they do (much easier when it is an older person who has had a full life, than when it is a young person) there is a plan to all the madness. Many people I know believe in random tragedy and I respect their belief in that, but I can't get my mind around it. The only way I can live with certain things it to believe everything has meaning and that even when we can't see it, there is a plan. I believe that somethings that appear awful and terrible to the body does not effect the spirit. Spirit cannot die or be hurt or be murdered. Spirit lives forever. We will all miss those that pass, but they will just be moving on and we will see them once again. This I believe with my whole heart. Life is a beautiful thing and to fully embrace it we have to accept death and find a way to embrace it as well. Tell someone today that you love them :-).

Paint or Write?

Took the photo off, for some reason it was all blurry...?
I feel in touch with life and I feel happy. Not the kind of happy you feel when something good happens, but the kind of happiness that says: My life is great just as it is. And yet. I do have a few concerns. You may have noticed in my profile, that I say I am an artist and a writer. Yet, I never talk about my book. The reason for that is, I have not worked on the book for months. I wrote my book about 9 months ago and have finished it, but it still needs some editing and in the meantime I have decided to rewrite some things. The trouble is I want to paint. I want to work on art right now and the book is hovering around my head like a bee. Just buzzing around. Won't let me alone. Some of that is because it is so close to being done, I would like to say finished, finally. What is the book about, you may or may not be wondering? It is a small little book I wrote about my spiritual practices of the last 30 years.

Most of my friends and family think it is a good book and I think it has a chance to make it out there in the world. So living in the moment wants me to paint and finish the book later. The book wants to be done now :-). I want the book done now. I am trying to figure out how to do both with limited time. I have never been very good at doing the art and writing. I tend to really focus when I work and that does not leave any room for other things,so I write for a few months, than I paint for a few. Anyone out there have any advice? Thanks. Have a wonderful Tuesday night.

Big changes

Spike looking cranky, but really he is a sweetheart. My grand experiment goes on. Food is the latest thing to start changing. I no longer starve myself, which I think is good :-). I eat what I want when the spirit moves me and hopefully that will level out to healthy foods, mostly. Right now some unhealthy foods are involved :-). I am at the same time running more, and faster and better. I feel like adding a mile to make up for the food. (Mind you I am not binging, but eating like a normal person :-). My art is getting more open. I am not sure how else to explain it. I feel more at peace. I highly recommend this living in the moment stuff. Are you tired of me writing about it yet? It is just so fun. I would love it if someone else out there took up the experiment too and told me how it effected their life. Of course I am only living in the moment in small amounts at a time as it takes practice, but if I am feeling this good now, wait until I really get this thing down :-). Hope you are all having a mighty Monday.

Losing routines

This is what I woke up to yesterday. It is all melted now, but it is still cold. I have been doing the grand experiment of living in the moment and I have been remembering to do it often. I am getting the hang of it :-). Something I have observed happening as a natural consequence of living in the moment is that routines and habits start to fall away. It happens without trying and without intent. Things are getting interesting now :-). Everyday is exciting because I don't know what to expect. I was getting a bit worried because I had not worked on my paintings for a while and I thought perhaps I never would, but last night I did and the break away was very good. I came to the pieces fresh and had new ideas. Also my house is getting very dirty :-). I am sure at one point I will be inspired to clean :-). I know to some it will seem crazy to live from the heart and inspiration, but I am seeing very clearly that it is the only way to live. My days are becoming an adventure and full of happy surprises. Things really do work out even when you are sure they won't. It feels kind of like Alice in wonderland. Fun and scary all at once. Have a grand Sunday.

Rambling...

Another stunning photo by Geraint Smith.

It snowed again, photos coming soon. Feels like we are in the middle of Winter again. No running for me today, too muddy now. I should just join the gym, but I like running outside too much. What I really want to do is go back to bed, but it is a work day, so I best not do that :-). I had a lovely day off yesterday, took a day away from painting and went to lunch with a friend instead. We also went to see my show and it was so nice to see my paintings again. I have been missing them a bit. I don't have a lot to say today except for rambling. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend and I will attempt to write something meaningful soon :-).

Making every minute count

This was in my yard this morning! Snow! It has snowed in April before, but up until yesterday it had been Spring like weather for weeks, so it was a bit of a surprise. I have a lot on my mind and I will share with you what has been going on. I had a good friend over for dinner last night. His father is in ICU in a Dallas hospital. It came out of nowhere and it has put a lot of stress on him. Earlier this week, two good friends had to put their beloved dog to sleep and another friend had the love of his life die suddenly. All a part of life and all very sad stories. Because these are people close to me, my heart aches for them. Really all you can do is love them and be as supportive as you can. All of this has given me much to think about. The obvious conclusion one comes to, is that life is too short and you never know when your number is up. You also never know when someone you love will leave this world. For me it is just yet another reminder to live fully in this moment and bless everyday. To look around me and see the good, the lovely and the wonderful, because even in the mist of pain it is there. I woke up today feeling so alive and full of wonder. Looking and seeing how beautiful my life is, even in it's imperfection. Love your life, today, this is what I wish for you. Have a grand Thursday.

Another quickie

Mr. B looking serious. Think some good thoughts for him as he is thin and no matter how much he eats is not gaining any weight. The vet can't figure out why :-(. I am out of time this morning and must go off for a run, so I promise I will write a makeup post tomorrow. Have a special Wednesday.

Max, killer of water bottles

See this sweet little face, you would never know it, but Max is a killer.

First I should warn you that this is going to be a cute cat story, so if you don't like cats please leave the room now :-). Max is an indoor cat, he does go out in the yard when it is nice outside, but basically he is indoors. There are no mice indoors for Max to catch and kill, so he has decided he will catch and kill plastic water bottles. Why water bottles you ask? I have a plastic spray bottle with which I spray Max when he is being very bad and because he is bad a lot he gets sprayed a lot, so he hates water bottles. Everyday Max catches and kills my empty water bottles that go in recycling, he then brings them to me for approval :-). Last night as I watched a movie in bed, he brought me three :-). Is that cute or sad, I just don't know, but it made me laugh. Have a wonderful Tuesday.

Jane Austen's love life

Lovely Coyote photo by Geraint Smith. I don't have much to report today except I have had one thing on my mind, last night I was thinking about the writer Jane Austen. I love her books and I have always related to her love stories in that the man and woman never seem to get together easily and that mirrors my romantic life :-). Except for the fact that mostly they always ended up together happily and that has not been my life so far :-). The weird thing for me and what I was thinking about last night before falling asleep was that she never married. She remained single. Perhaps she wrote the happy endings for her characters that she never had. That is not to say she did not have a happy ending, as being single has it's rewards :-). I just mean she never had the happy romance that she writes about in her books. That is it for me, I have the day off and I am going back to bed with a large stack of books, then I will be working on those two little paintings I have been neglecting. Have a great Monday!

Pure Magic

Isn't this a beautiful photo?
I have mentioned my good friend Geraint Smith before,
but now he has graciously agreed to let me use some of his
photos for my blog. It will save me some time :-). Don't
get me wrong I love taking pictures myself and I will
continue to do so, but sometimes I spread myself too
thin trying to do too much. Plus he is a professional
photographer and does a lot better than me :-).
Go to his site and check him out.
Not much to report today, feeling a bit uninspired to
write, so in keeping with yesterday's post,
I will be silent until which time I have something
to say :-). Have a magical, wonderful Sunday.

Living in the moment

These photos were taken in the yard at where
I work.
Very cheery I thought. Nice way to start
the day. I have been thinking a lot about living
in the moment and freedom. I feel as an artist
and writer it is important for me to be free to
express myself, and to do that I really have to
be living in the now. Sometimes there is a bit
of a conflict for me because I work a full time
job. This makes it harder to move about freely,
having to be at a certain place at a certain time
on an almost daily basis. I have found that I do
have some freedom in the bounds of that structure.
For instance I can go run some mornings and sleep in
an extra hour the next. I also have some freedom in
what I do in a given day at work and within that
job I can still live moment to moment and do what
needs to be done now. I find it so freeing on my days
off to just wake up when I wake up and do whatever
I feel to do in that given moment. I try not to plan
much on my days off, so I have the freedom I seek.
This makes my friends a bit crazy, but sometimes
I do plan an outing or get together with them and
within that plan keep it free and easy. If I had my
way and all the money I wanted I would live my
entire life one second to the next. It is an exciting
way to live and I think it is the way we are really
meant to live. Jobs, family, obligations seem to bog
us down. Does that mean I think we should be irresponsible?
No, I mean instead to do what is in your heart, all the time.
I think you would still be responsible and get done what
ever you have to, but you would be inspired to do
things at exactly the right time and life would have a
lovely flow to it. The last couple days I have been
attempting to live like that as much as possible and I
find I am more at peace and things go easier. I am going
to try and live like this as much as possible from now on.
It is a kind of a game, an experiment of giant proportions. :-).
The hardest part is remembering to do it, but with practice
I think that it will start to come naturally.
Have a great weekend everyone!

Blogging

I had no intention of posting today, but then
I sometimes like to go with the flow and I felt
inspired. Not that I have anything important
to say, except I am so happy to be a blogger.
I have many friends and many family members
who do not understand this blogging thing at all.
Some of them put it down and make judgements
about it without even reading a blog. Very short
sighted wouldn't you say? I love having people from
all over the world, England, Africa, Poland, coming
to visit and reading my blog. I love it even more when
they leave comments :-). I may not know most of you,
but I know I like you, a lot. I think I would be friends
with many of you if we were to meet outside in the real
world. Many people think blogging is a waste of time, well
I have no television and I spend about an hour or so
blogging at most in a given day. It helps me with my
writing a great deal and it gives me feedback on my
paintings. People leave kind and supportive comments.
I learn lots of wonderful stuff on blogs. From my
perspective I can see no down side to blogging.
I love you bloggers and even you non bloggers.
Thanks for being there :-). And for some of you I leave
this lovely photo of Viggo, yes, another Viggo photo.
I can't help myself :-). Photo by Terry Richardson.

Viggo, my man

Hey, thought I would post this most lovely
photo of Viggo Mortensen, if you have been
reading my blog for a while you know I am a bit
obsessed with this wonderful actor. I have nothing
new to say, but thought this photo may make up
for it :-), enjoy! I am disappearing for a few days,
but I promise a good post on Saturday. Be kind. :-)
There was no credit given to the photographer in
the article I got this photo from, but go to the
link to find the article if you wish to read :-).

Quiet

This is Max taking a nap :-). Little devil is so cute.
My mom leaves today and I am sad. I have nothing
going on right now and I am feeling introspective
again. I will write when I have something
worthwhile to report. Have a wonderful week!