Sunday, August 31, 2008

The adventure continues

I had the best day yesterday and I wanted to share.
There was a big art opening last night at the gallery where
I show. My friends J and J went with me. I was a bit
nervous because I knew my old boss would be there.
He avoided me for a while which was easy because it
was really crowded in the gallery. However, he was soon
near enough that we had to speak to one another, so I
went first, I smiled and asked how he was then I forced him
to hug me :-). Later I saw his wife and she was just as friendly
and supportive as could be. It felt really good to force myself
to be brave and have it pay off so nicely :-). I am glad I got
that over with because I will be seeing him at functions a lot
in this town. I also had someone tell me that I had changed
their life by my example :-). Wow, no one has ever said that
to me before. The really wonderful part was yet to come.
I went to J's house with the other J and L joined us,
J's mom was also there. We shared art and talked into the evening
for hours. I was so inspired. I love my friends so much and
what is so cool is that J and J and L are men. I have found some
of my deepest and closest friendships to be with men. Don't get
me wrong I have deep, close friendships with women too, but not as
many. I am not sure why this is, but I am thrilled with the friends I have.
I felt so loved last night that I came home on a kind of cloud of joy.
I dreamed I could walk through walls and fly :-). Happy Sunday! XOXO
P.S. What made you joyful this week? Please share.

Friday, August 29, 2008


This photo is one I took yesterday. 10 doves were
in the tree and it looked so cool. If I had a high
powered lens it would be a really wonderful photo,
as it is I hope you can see the doves :-). I took all
my glazed pottery to the firing place today and she
said I will be surprised by how many will come out alright.
We will see. Many of the things shrunk, so they will likely
be too small to sell :-), but I am learning. Now I am making
things really LARGE :-). Also working on the book and
making phone calls. It is lovely to be home with my
animal boys, they like it too. That's it, just wanted to say hi.
Happy weekend! XOXO

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

When you leap...

The net appears. I have heard that saying a lot, but
I had never experienced it. Now I have. I felt the net
forming the minute I quit my job, which felt very
much like jumping off a cliff :-). I have another wee
job tomorrow and for the last two days I have worked
on glazing the nine clay pieces I have done. Glazing
is every bit as hard as I have been told and I am afraid
none of my pieces will be saleable, but I won't know until
they are fired. It's okay, I will learn :-). During the last few
days I have felt so calm and so loved and so very taken
care of. I KNOW all is well and I will never take or stay
in another job because of fear. This Be Brave project has
been the most powerful thing I have ever done. I am into my
second month and I am committed to it for life. I must say
it can be intense, look how much my life has changed since
I started doing it. I recommend it to anyone who is feeling
stuck or wants to change their life in a hurry :-).
Thanks for all of your moral support. I love you.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Spike and Max

That's it for today, just the photo, better than nothing :-).
Okay, just a few tidbits-I had a wee job today, an ex fellow
employee told me I was their hero :-), and I have a
standing invite to Dean's house, anytime :-). Other than
that it is just clay, clay, clay! Happy Monday! XOXOXO

Saturday, August 23, 2008

What's happening so far...

I thought I would update you all on my progress
so far. Since I quit my job I have cleaned my house,
hey, I feel better when my house is clean :-). I have
called my friend L to get photos taken of my art,
and he is coming over next week to do so, this will be
a huge step in the art direction. Today I went to see
the owner of my favorite gallery (and where I want to
show my work) to let him know I was available for a
part time position. He does not have anything right now,
but you never know what can happen. I have also begun
making some more bowls and mugs and pottery things. My goal
is to have my Esty shop open in three weeks. I won't have
much on there for probably 5 weeks, but I want to get
it started. Tomorrow I will work on pottery and the book.
I am attempting to change my old pattern of only working
on one thing at a time :-). The thing about not having a job
and money coming in, is that you tend to get things done that
you have put off far too long. If I went out and got a regular,
full time job I would not be hungry and when I am not hungry
I get comfortable and let things slide. This way I have to
get my art out there, no more waiting around. I love that you all
are going to go on this new adventure with me :-). It keeps me on
my toes and keeps me brave. Thanks for being there ;-).
The photo is of the sky in New Mexico. XOXO Happy weekend!

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Being more Brave

This being brave stuff keeps getting more intense :-).
When I asked myself what I really wanted to do (not
what should I do, or what do I have to do) the answer
was clear:ART. I want to paint, make pottery and sculptures
and write. It may take some time to get it all going, but
my plan is to do odd jobs and do my art. Mind you I have
very little money and the only thing in place is that some
of my paintings are in a gallery already. When I get new
photos taken of my work I am going to do a mass email
to almost every gallery in Santa Fe. If I have two galleries
I have more of a chance to sell. I am also going to finish my book
and sell it as an e-book. My plan for the pottery is to sell it
on the blog or open an Esty shop(Suki, would you give me
your take on that?) and sell pottery and small paintings there.
Another thing I plan to do is apply for the Krasner/Pollock grant.
In the mean time I will do any job that comes up and I may get
a weekend job at a gallery (going Saturday to check that out).
Today I got my fired pottery pieces back and they all made it!
Now I am off to begin the glazing adventure :-). I promise to
show pictures of before and after.
That in a nutshell is what I plan to do. If any self employed
of you out there has any advice, please share. Thanks.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

I Quit

That is what I did, I quit my job. I must say I am
as shocked as anyone, but it was time and I could
not think about it or I would not have done it, and
it needed to be done. All I will say is that a human
being can only be treated like a dog so much and
then they bite back. I would have liked to have quit
in a more calm manner than I did :-), but perhaps if I
had been calm I would not have done it and like I say
it was long overdue. I have no idea what I will do, or
what is next, if I were selling paintings I would just
stay home and paint and make clay, but I am not selling
at the moment (few are), so I don't see that as an option.
I have enough to get me through until the end of September
which means I need to start making money in at least 2-3 weeks,
or else. I am still in a bit of shock about it, but I also feel
free and I feel like I have my soul back :-). Today I am just
going to let my mind wonder and dream of what I want next.
Tomorrow I may or may not take action, I may take a few days
of much needed rest first and start the job search on Monday.
If you would, pray to whatever God for me,
what I need most at this moment is guidance. Thanks!

Monday, August 18, 2008


Time to share another painting. This one is
smaller and is for sale if anyone cares :-).
The title is "Imperceptible Shifts", it is Venetian
plaster and acrylics on board, 14" x 11".
I am still in thinking mode, but will post my
thoughts one day soon. Happy Monday!

Saturday, August 16, 2008


See this big hunk of a cat? That is my Spike and he is a most wonderful boy :-). I thought you all might enjoy this photo as I have almost nothing to say today, so this is a lazy post. So sorry, and I hope to do better next time :-). I am in a contemplative mood and must go contemplate. Have a wonderful weekend! XOXOXO

Thursday, August 14, 2008

My day

It usually starts here 4-5 days a week. This is where I run.
Actually my day starts with coffee and meditation :-). Then I run.
After that I do all the things we all do to get ready for our day.
Today was a day off, so I did errands and then I had some
excitement. I took my clay to get fired :-). It was actually one
of my Be Brave challenges. It should not be a scary thing to
do, but it was for me. Why? I think it is because it is something
new and unknown. I love the way I feel after I do the stuff I am afraid
of and today was no different. I had some fun and bought some glazes
which I am excited to try and the very best thing of all is that I learned
there is a tool called a glazing pencil! That means I can draw on the clay.
I can't explain exactly why that makes my heart sing, but it does :-).
I won't be able to pick up the fired pieces until next Thursday, so I
will work on the book until then. Oh, another fun thing that happened
was, as I was driving to the firing place, I had a thought that I may see
my friend Joe there (he is a maker of beautiful clay sculptures). Sure
enough he arrived just minutes after I did. I love when that happens :-).
It was a lovely day, and there are still a few more hours left of it.
How was your day? What great thing happened to you today?
Have a beautiful evening everyone.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

It's e.e.cummings' Tuesday!

I know some of you hate poetry and for you I have this lovely
photo by Geraint Smith. For the few of you who love poetry and
e.e.cummings, I have this sweet poem. Makes one believe in
magic :-). Enjoy. XOXOXO
if i love you
(thickness means
worlds inhabited by roamingly
stern bright faeries
if you love
me) distance is mind carefully
luminous with innumerable gnomes
Of complete dream
if we love each (shyly)
other, what clouds do or Silently
Flowers resembles beauty
less than our breathing

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Changing gears

So, the other day I started working on my book again.
I have abandoned it for about nine months. Why?
I had come to think it was done and I was waiting for a
friend of mine to make time to edit it. I had already rewritten
much of it and felt I could do no more. Boy was I wrong.
First, before I go any further I should tell you a little of
what my book is about: I have been on a spiritual journey
for most of my life and thought I would write a book about some
of the things I had learned, so I could help others on the journey.
In the course of the last 9 months while I was waiting for my friend
to edit my book, I have learned another 30 years worth of insights.
Much of what I wrote in the book has shifted for me. I feel
the book should reflect the truth as I believe it to be, so now I
am faced with rewriting it almost from scratch. I have
to confess it is daunting and scary. In keeping with my Be Brave
project I have begun the process :-). I miss working with my clay
and I am missing painting very much, but right now this will
be my focus for at least the next week or two perhaps even
until I am done. I want to ask the writers out there if something
like this has ever happened to them? Also are there any editors out
there that would agree to edit the book when it is done, in trade for a painting?
Would any of you be interested in reading my book when I am done?
I will keep you posted on my progress.
Have a wonderful weekend all. XOXOXO

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Updates and random thoughts...

I thought I would give you some updates
on things I have written about here.

1. My brother J is doing great, eyesight is fine, though they are
still trying to figure out what is up with him.

2. Mr. B, my cat with the kidney problems is doing great, he is better than ever :-).
That is him in the photo, waiting for birds :-).

3. I am still being brave, though this week is a bit boring,
but baring jumping out of a plane there is not much that
scares me at the moment. Which I guess is a good thing.

4. Some of you may be wondering what is happening with the 27 year old.
I saw him yesterday for the first time since I posted about him. He just gets more and
more interesting. I think if I were 27 we would get together and have babies,
but given that I am not 27, I don't have a clue what will happen. I do know
I want to be friends, that is for sure.
I think that covers everything for now. I am off work today and I am going to
actually work on my book(did you hear that mom?) . I will be cutting out all
the things I no longer want in it. This will be hard, but I must do it and that is
the assignment for me today, oh and I will also play :-). I just returned from a lovely
cool run and I am ready for anything. Have a great Thursday everyone.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008


Time to share another painting with you.
This one is titled "Float". It is the first smaller
piece I did in my latest series of Venetian plaster
paintings. I did 4 large paintings before I did this smaller one.
It is on canvas and measures 20"x 20".
As usual the photo is not the best, the colors are not
as intense as this, but you get the idea. I can't wait until
my friend L takes photos for me :-). Soon I hope.
Have a wonderful Wednesday. XOXOXO

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Werner Erhard

I have talked a little bit about this, but not much.
Mostly I have been sitting with it and doing some
research and studying, and now I am ready to let
it all out :-). It all started about 2 months ago when
I rented a DVD that intrigued me about Werner Erhard,
the man who started est which was popular in the late
seventies and early eighties. The film called "Transformation"
blew me away. Even though it just scratched the surface of the man
I could tell that Werner was a genius of the highest order.
I have spent the last 2 months reading anything I could
get my hands on about Werner. This nice man Eliezer Sobel
commented on my blog and we have emailed, he took est and
has written about it in his book "The 99th Monkey". You can read
essays he wrote about est on his site. I am still researching
and reading and falling in love with Werner Erhard. There
was a lot of bad press and allegations against Werner and I
have chosen to disregard most of it because for me the proof
is in his work and from what I can tell he helped a whole lot
of people change their lives. The words that I have read that
come from Werner himself are magic and they are life enhancing
in every way. I will quote a bit of Werner here and hopefully
that will be alright. From Werner Erhard: "Create your future from your
future not your past", "You don't have to go looking for love if
that is where you come from". Isn't that beautiful? It is to me.
I can see why the est people drove everyone nuts trying to get
their friends to go :-). I wish I had not been scared away by
all the rumors. I lived in San Francisco at the time and I could
have done est, but I chickened out (I'm sorry I was not doing the
Be Brave project back then :-). I promise I won't bore you with Werner
all the time, but I just had to share the impact he has had on me
and my spiritual journey. It is exciting to discover someone like
Werner, that can help light the way for others. I have a lot left
to learn :-). If you or anyone you know did est, I would love to hear
what you thought of it. Even if it is bad :-). I can take it. Happy Sunday.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Being Brave

I am on week two of the Be Brave project and I want to share
a few insights. Some days I do 3 or 4 brave things and then some
days nothing comes up to challenge me. I figure it all evens out.
How I am doing this, is: during the day if something I need or want
to do makes me feel uncomfortable I get quiet and listen, to figure
out if it is fear or something else, like common sense :-). If it is fear
I push through it and do it anyway. It always feels good. I think I
could become addicted to this. I can't believe almost two weeks have
passed already. Something else I have noticed, it can be the smallest,
most normal things that scare me, like a making a phone call, or visiting
a new friend. I am not sure why that is, but it feels good to override
the fear. I encourage all of you to try it. You don't have to commit to
the project, but just try it out for yourself, the next time something
comes up that scares you. I promise it will enliven your life :-).
Anything that helps you be less on auto pilot is a good thing.
Happy Friday!