Friday, April 2, 2010


This is a post about longing and wanting and being afraid of never having. For a very long time I have been an artist and that means for me, working less so I can paint more. What that translates into for me (since I rarely sell a painting or even a ceramic piece) is that I don't have money for extras that most people take for granted, like travel or eating out. I have not bought a piece of clothing of any kind for at least a year. Now, I am not telling you this to make you feel bad. I made a choice to live this way and I take full responsibility for it. I do however have a growing list of needs and wants and I thought perhaps if I made a list and the Gods saw the list I may get lucky and receive some of it :-).
I want:
A trip to Paris.
New tires.
A house to call my own.
A trip to Tangier's.
A trip to Rome.
A meal at my favorite restaurant in town. Very pricey.
New clothes.
A trip to Portland to see my family.
A trip to San Francisco to see old friends.
A painting and potter's studio.
There, I feel better.
Actually, I have sent away for a new book, called "Busting Loose from the Money Game" by Robert Scheinfeld.
I am hoping that it will help me change my relationship to money, my attitude clearly has to to change and I feel very stuck. I know that my painting is good and I know that it will sell if it finds the right home, but I also know that I have to change my mind before the reality changes. I will take you on this adventure with me and maybe we will all learn something, (though most of you all seem to be doing very well with your money). The book should arrive in about 5 days. I will keep you posted. Happy Friday. xoxo


kj said...

annie, i think you are remarkable.
you put it out there, you live authentically, you hold on to your self worth and you honor your core beliefs.

universe!! listen up! it's annie's time!!

love and happy easter, dear friend,

ExtraO said...

I have a feeling you will find a way to get unstuck and make your way to paris (and rome). :-)

Lubna said...

Annie, I hope your dreams come true. I was unwell and hence visited your blog after ages. However, if you have a kind heart, you do have everything (and having known you through your blog for quite sometime, I know you are a very kind person).

sukipoet said...

great post. For years I lived on about $10,000 a year which meant if i did join friends out at a restaurant i ordered a cup of soup. I purchased all my clothes except underwear at thrift stores and would still do so if there were any up here. Movies are also another love that I denied myself until i found netflix. Anyway, I too chose this purposely, to live on the edge so I might paint and write. When my landlady of 20 years decided to sell her house, that's when my dream life collapsed.

Yes, after awhile though, of living like a student, one gets tired of it and wants to manifest some pleasures and needs like tires. What is the restaurant's name??

Let me know abt the book. I have a bk about money on my amazon list waiting purchase but I forget what it is now.

sukipoet said...

oh right, the book I have on the list is about our emotional attachment to money. I think my problem is w/the emotions around money.

Annie said...

Kj-You are wondeful and thank you for your lovely comment. Happy Easter to you too!Love xoxo
EOM-I believe it too :-). xoxo
Lubna-I am sorry you have been sick! I have not ventured to your blog for a while, I will fix that soon. Thank you for your seet comment. Big hugs. xoxox
Suki-This book is aobut spiritual stuff, and how it relates to money. I am sure emotions play a part. You are doing well now, you have money for a house!Perhaps that is why it is so scary? Love to you my friend. xoxo

Annie said...

P.S. Suki- The restaurant's name is Joseph's Table.

Erin Davis said...

I wish all of those things for you, Annie. I'm someone who has had-and still has- to change my relationship with money, so I will look forward to hearing what you think about that book.

Robin said...

Anne, I feel in my heart that many of your dreams will come true...I can see you in Paris!


♥ Robin ♥

Kate P said...

My sister just got back from a trip to Paris--she'd never expected to have the chance to go there, so it is possible! :)

mermaid said...

Though my list of longing is different, my heart aches for the void you feel. Yet, you never give up on filling your cup with beauty.

May you change your relationship with money.

Annie said...

Erin-Thank you. I will be so happy to share it.xoxo
Robin-I see myself there too. xoxo
KateP-Thank you for that :-). xoxo
Mermaid-That was lovely. Thank you.

angela recada said...

I admire you so much, dearest Annie, for living life they way YOU want to live it!

We have lived simply, too, the past 20 years, so that I could be home to raise our children. It's not easy when everyone around you is always spending money, or talking about spending money. Until recently, I wouldn't have even thought to spend money on art supplies, though my heart ached to paint.

Your uneasy relationship with money is something I understand very well. I hope the book you ordered helps you - it certainly sounds interesting.

I hope your dreams come true, and that you get to travel and do all (or at least most) of the things on your list. It's a wonderful list.

And you are a kind and wonderful person, dear friend.

Happy Easter and Happy Spring to you, too.

Hugs and love,

Teri and her Stylish Cats ~ Coco the Couture Cat, FurryDance Brighton, and Disco NoFurNo said...

Amore' is still here, along with his brothers :-)
I keep my kittens until they are 16 weeks old, so they will be with me til mid May...I will put a video up...just for you :-)

becky said...

Oh, I can so relate to this post!!! Returning to school at, dare I say it... pretty darn close to middle age if I live til I'm 84. Going back has meant NO nice dinners, no money to go on trips... my mom gives me her old clothes & I take them to the resale shop so I can get something "new!" I too am working less to pursue my dreams... and have been known for living on those cheap cans of soup! & how you talk about a home/a studio... I dream of those things, too! Only difference is you are a true artist... I am a girl with a crazy dream who is trying to figure out how to make it all work!
Somehow... I have to believe it will!
Thanks for sharing this post!