Sunday, December 20, 2009


I have always wanted this blog to be a happy place to come, but lately I have had so much sad news that it has become a place to ask for help and prayers. I have so many friends and family who are sick and some are dying and two sick kitties and here it is Christmas. I had word last night that my cousin R is not good, he is losing his battle with the big C. I am beyond sad. I do realize that death is part of life and I do not fear death, I KNOW that our spirit does not die, it is only that it seems that so often the ending is so full of ugly pain. I wonder about the why of this and I do believe it is because we cling to life, if we could just let go perhaps it would not be so painful. I hate all of it and I am one who tends to feel the pain of others. I have dealt with it over the years and can do very well most of the time, but right now I am struggling.
All is not lost though, I do know that the pain will stop, this is just a bump in the road. I have a good blogging friend who told me the other day that she was going to be the happiest depressed person ever, it made me smile and I will be the happiest sad person ever, because despite what goes on, despite the fact that I want to hide under the covers and run from the heartache, I know I won't, I know I will make it through and that there will be unknown gifts along the way.
I am full of gratitude for my health and I have so very much to be grateful for.
Would you send good thoughts to R and please to his family and to Renee who is feeling very ill.
Thank you so much and I promise this blog will get happy again soon(fingers crossed). XOXO


Sizzle said...

Sending love and good thoughts.

ExtraO said...

I am sorry to hear that R is not doing well. In my opinion, if we always expect life to be good and happy then we are probably missing the point. There can be good in sadness. :-)

Teri and her Stylish Cats ~ Coco the Couture Cat, FurryDance Brighton, and Disco NoFurNo said...

Oh A, I just tried to give you a call, after I read your post. Pain and loss is very debilitating, especially this time of year when others seem joyous.

I had to smile a little when I read what your friend said about trying to be the happiest depressed person ever. I told my therapist that I feel flat and she asked Do you mean sad? I sort of feel emotionless at times, when it's just me and I think no one is watching.

I, too, am grateful for what I have, and know I could never be as wise and strong as Renee. I, too, feel lucky if that is the right word, to have lost Mike suddenly and not have to have an end full of ugly pain.

I am home today and if you feel like talking, just email me and I'll give you a call.

Hugs across the miles,

sukipoet said...

So sorry all this is happening in your life. But its okay to share the sadness with us. Life is full of so many things some happy some sad and all are part of the life path. Big hug to you and sending prayers to R and to all who are suffering. love, Suki

kj said...

you are a brave and amazing woman, annie-my-friend. we are learning something very important for our journey and compassion and contribution ahead, at least i think so.

and as for our renee, could any of us pray any harder. she is an angel. i'm convinced of it.

love you annie,hang in

Maggie May said...

i have been feeling the blog is honest and reflects where i am at. peace to you.

Lilacrobin said...

I cannot add more wisdom than your other blogging friends have inparted.. life and death are mysteries.... all we can do is accept what is handed to us...and try to fight to go on..there is a difference between complaincency and acceptance..... Annie, I have already learned so much from your blogging friends...they are all wonderful, warm caring people. You
have learned much more from them and are so blessed to have them in your life.
Hope the fluids go well tonight with Spikee....

I love you all so much,


Unknown said...

Dearest Annie, I am sorry to hear about all the problems and sickness your family had to go through. It is indeed very sad news when we have loved ones unwell. I am sending you
lots of love and prayers to the whole family.

Mary-Laure said...

How devastating for the ones who love R...

Annie said...

Dawn-You are so right! :-).
Teri-Bless your heart for calling, I have been on the phone all day with loved ones, but I may call you after the holidays. xoxo
Suki-Thanks. xoxo
Kj-Thanks. Love you too.xoxo
Maggie-Thank you.
lilacrobin-Yes, my blogging friends and in the flesh friends are the best :-). You included. Love you too. xoxo\
M.Kate-Thank you.xoxo

Annie said...

Mary-Laure- Yes, we are all very sad and his close family members are in great pain. He is still young too, only 50, younger than me.

Kate P said...

Blogs are meant to reflect life, which has happy moments and sad moments, right? I will pray.

Anonymous said...

Hugs Annie. There's that saying that when things are bad at work and at home it is harder to cope than ordinarily. It sounds like you have heartache at home and in the wider world so there is nowhere to shelter at the moment. I hope your art becomes a haven for you. Your bowl here smells wonderful with Christmas smells and looks fabulous. You have spread happiness here.

Annie said...

KateP-Yes, you are right. xoxo
Melanie-Thank you, XOXO

Renee said...

I never want happy blogs sweet Annie, I just want real blogs.

You are real and I love you and of course you are sad, but you are many other things too.

Love you.

Renee xoxox

Annie said...

Renee-You are so wise dear friend. Of course I am happy along side of the sadness. I love you too. xoxo

Suzanne said...

Hi Annie,

I join with others in saying that I visit here because you are so genuine, open and real. You share your joy, your bliss, sadness, concerns -- and we love every bit of you.

Keeping your heart open and sharing your love with them is very powerful.

And when it gets too much, it's also powerful to tell the Universe when you need some comfort and relief.

I've experienced angels during surgeries and at other times and I believe there is so much love available to us we can't imagine it all. That love is there and working in each situation for everyone you care about.

There are angels with you right now, Annie Coe. May you be aware you are wrapped in the comfort of their love.

Renee said...

Have yourself a merry little christmas time.


Unknown said...

So many people have difficult times at the holidays, my thoughts are with you this year...things change, it is our only constant sometimes....change. I am so sorry for the overwhelming "plate o' crazy" set before you and peace...smiles.

angela recada said...

I'm so sorry for all the sadness in your life, dear Annie. I will keep you in my heart and prayers, along with our darling Renee.

Love and hugs,

Unknown said...

You be as sad as long as you want to be. No judgement here. Grief has its own time and space. It worked for me to simply accept that it was now part of my life and to make a place for it. You will laugh again. And be happy. That's just not the balance right now. Love you happy or sad. Blessings to you and those you love.

mermaid said...

May you be the happiest sad person. May your shadow need to say what it needs to say and feel what it needs to feel in the space of loving hearts who hear you.

May both R's be as well as they can be.

Annie said...

Suzanne-Your comment is so beautiful, it made me cry. xoxo
Renee-You have a good Christmas too. Love you.xoxo
Emom-Thank you.xoxo
Angela-Thank you.xoxo
Distracted-Love you and thank you.
Mermaid-You are so sweet. xoxo

N-Search of Peace! said...

Circles is all circles...

Hoping that you find PEACE and love in the ugliness...