Wednesday, September 12, 2012


I had decided to leave Thursday morning after dropping Bella at the kennel. Everything was set except I kept waiting to buy my plane ticket. Something told me to wait. Then at noon I felt I just had to talk to my mom, they held the phone to her ear so I could say my last words to her, she could not speak, just listen. They told me she could go any minute. As it stands she left at 5:10 9/11. I did not make it. My brothers account is that is was peaceful and sweet. A woman came and played the harp. One brother, one niece, her boyfriend and her doctor were there for the passing. I was home talking to her. After, while I was talking to my brothers on the phone my mom turned off my computer. It was on in the other room, there was no loss of power, no storm, but after I got off the phone and knew she had passed I went in to turn the computer off and it was already off. I had told my mother when I talked to her to please visit me and let me know she was okay. I believe that was her. I have been strangely calm, after 3 days of a roller coaster and waiting, the wait is over. My mom is free. I am not sure when we will have the memorial, in the next month I expect and I will be going home. There are a year of firsts ahead of me. Today is the first day without my mom on the earth. It is hard, but I feel her with me and all I can do is put one foot in front of the other. It is strange how the world and time marches forth. Thank you so much for your prayers and love.XOXO


LeeAnn at Mrs Black's said...

Your Mother was so very beautiful, her presence illuminates the photograph of her. I am certain that she is still with you, and always will be. You are lucky to have had that message from her, and it shows how much she loves you. Blessings and prayers to you and your family in this sad time. Minerva and Mrs Black x

mermaid gallery said...

Annie, I am so sorry for your loss. Your Mom heard you.....She will always be with you. She is your Mom forever and ever. Strange, i have not blogged for weeks.....Your blog was the first that came up.....I will be phoning my Mom today. hugs xoxo susan

Houseelf said...

Hugs Annie. It was so good of her to go to you one last time. A mother's love will move mountains- turning off a computer is a cinch. :-) You wont ever walk alone. Your mother will be watching your every step. I still feel my Nana watching over me.

Hugs. I hope her memorial service does her and your family proud.

Judy Shreve said...

Annie your mom is beautiful! And what a beautiful passing - and I'm not surprised she 'stopped by' to give you a sign she will always be with you.

Sending you lots of love.

Jos said...

Ah Annie I am so glad you got to talk to your Mom at the end. I beleive that hearts speak to hearts when time is short and it is as much about the words unsaid as those spoken. I am glad too that your Mom visited you in the way that she did so that your heart can rest easy ... assured that she is at peace. Much love to you dear heart. xx Jos

Barbara/myth maker said...

What a stunning woman she was. My heart goes out to you. Thank God she went in peace, and you were able to talk to her.
She will always watch over you.

angela recada said...

Oh Annie, this is such a beautifully touching post honoring your beautiful mother.

Sending you love and hugs,

kj said...

you look like her, annie.

i am sure your Mom is at peace and i believe she will tell you so in many ways in the coming days and weeks and months.

i know it's an unreal feeling: how can the world go on as if nothing as happened?

anything that will help, please let me know

love always

yoborobo said...

Annie, I love this picture of your mom. Her eyes are so beautiful. And I am so glad you got to talk to her before she passed on. I will be thinking of you in the days ahead and sending you love and hugs. xoxox

Lynn Cohen said...

I am so glad you got to talk to your mom. So glad. And that she was able to give you a message!
Hugs and be gentle with yourself.
What a beautiful woman.

studio lolo said...

Oh Dear Annie, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I love the visit from her letting you know she was leaving. You'll always have that.

May you find peace in your memories, and eventually, peace in your heart.


Laurie Wambaugh said...

Annie my heart is there with you. I know she is definitely in a much better place. Funny thing is that I had been thinking about your mom a lot the last couple days especially yesterday, then I read on Terrie's Facebook page about her passing and knew that was why I was thinking about her. I'm so glad you at least have found some peace through all this. I love you!

marianne said...

Oh Annie this is hard. My condolences.
I am happy she went in peace and gave you a sign she is alright.
It is hard you couldn't get there but she must have felt you anyhow.
I wish you strength for the coming time and all those firsts ahead.
love and hugs

ArtPropelled said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you Annie. So glad you spoke to your dear mom and that she went peacefully. That is all we hope for. A beautiful photograph to treasure.

sukipoet said...

sending prayers to you Annie. your mom was gorgeous. I think losing a mom is the hardest! I didnt know until I lost mine. thinking of you. hugs, suki

kj said...

Thinking of you today, Annie. Iknow this will be a before and after event and in time I hope this memory won't hurt to remember. All wrapped in love


teri said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I experienced many similar communications after each of my parents passed on. I would never have believed it if it hadn't happened to me. It's comforting to know life doesn't end when we cease breathing, and that our loved ones truly are with us always.

soulbrush said...

I am so vefry sorry Annie,and am sending my heartfelt condolences across the pond. Your mom looks like a young Elizabeth Taylor here- and she will be with you in your heart forever. Keep strong but let yourself mourn for as long and as much as you need to. Thinking of you lots today. xxxx

Jos said...

Just back to send you some more hugs dear heart. It's not easy to carry on is it? Kind of feels like the world should stop turning for a bit to give us time to adjust ... to grieve or even just to sit with our feelings. Much love to you. xoxoxo Jos

angela recada said...

Just stopping by to send you some love and hugs today, Sweetie.

~Babs said...

Aaah, Annie.
I know how this feels,,,,like nothing else in the world does.
I'm so glad she 'spoke' to you. Mine did too, and it's a beautiful thing this bond between mother and daughter.
And yes,,,,she is gorgeous, and looks very much like you.
Be at peace. She is.

Barbara Mallon said...

My dad passed in the same manner after several earlier strokes. I made it there before he passed to sit with him in his coma, but can only remember whispering in his ear before leaving his side, that I loved him and would take care of Mom if he felt he needed to go. He passed then within 30 minutes. Know that she waited to hear from you and felt at peace when you called. Connection and peace.

Annie said...

I just wanted to check in and tell you all how much your kind and loving words mean to me. I am doing okay, everything is very surreal, family and friends, furbabies and staying in the moment helps. One day at a time. I may not blog much for a while, but know I love you all. xoxo

Lori ann said...

oh annie. i'm so sorry. no words, it's so hard, just hugs. be well my friend.

Mim said...

I'm so so sorry Annie - many hugs to you.

Anonymous said...

I lost both my parents this year. My father had been ill for years, and i was there when he passed. my mom and i were super close,spoke every night and she had just spent the week with me after celebrating my 50th birthday. i got the call from my brother just a week after my birthday that mom was gone. suddenly, just ripped from my world. it's been so hard, and i do feel her presence, but the physical loss of the sound of her voice and her hugs is numbing. i did find one very helpful outlet for our nightly phone conversations, which were sometimes only, i love you mom. i journal it...everything we would have talked about. it's been a great help. blessings to you

Annie said...

Anonymous, Thank you for that, I will try it. So sorry for your loss. I lost my father 16 years ago and now my mom, it is like she has been ripped out of my life. I also talked to my mother almost daily and the phone calls are the most missed. I will try the journal.xoxo

becky said...

Gosh Annie,
Sorry so late to respond here... I hadn't been blogging & then, when I heard, I hadn't thought you were blogging & didn't think to check over here. I didn't know how she had passed but now I see.
So I wanted to say again how sorry I am about your mom. I don't know what else to say except that you have been in my thoughts & I hope you are doing ok.
Call when you feel like talking again,

Kelly M said...

Annie, My heart goes out to you. I have no idea how I will cope with that when it happens to me. How wonderful that you got to speak to her over the phone near the end. And how fantastic that she was able to tell you that she's okay. Blessings, K

Rebeca Trevino said...

sweet post. i am sorry for your loss. my mother passed away in 1976. i miss her, still.
i found your blog by way of robyn at art propelled. you said in your comments that you felt people did not connect with your work. i disagree. your work is vibrant and elegant in it's simplicity.
i hope you are well.

ps: if this posts 2x it is because i am having trouble with blogger . . . sorry