New Paintings,Mom's Journey

It has been a rough week and a half, but I am doing okay. The hardest part is how life keeps moving so fast and yet you just want to stop and rest for a while. I thought if I painted I would feel better, but I did not feel like painting, until these little boats showed up. I was thinking of doing a series of memorial paintings for my mom and I kept getting this image of a little boat, so I started and I love them and I think my mom does too.

I will do more, but thought I would share the first two. 10"x 10" and 12" x 12", oil, oil stick and graphite on venetian plaster and cradle board. For those that won't enlarge, I did some close ups.

I always love your comments.

The Fall Taos Arts show is next Friday, feels so weird now to even think about, but I will be going and hopefully selling my paintings, need some funds for my upcoming trip home for mom's memorial which we will be having towards the end of October. I was going to take photos of the show for all of you, but they won't allow cameras.

I have not been visiting blogs much, I know you will forgive me. Perhaps I will feel more like it next week.

Thank you all for your loving and dear comments, emails and phone calls.XOXO

MOM

I had decided to leave Thursday morning after dropping Bella at the kennel. Everything was set except I kept waiting to buy my plane ticket. Something told me to wait. Then at noon I felt I just had to talk to my mom, they held the phone to her ear so I could say my last words to her, she could not speak, just listen. They told me she could go any minute. As it stands she left at 5:10 9/11. I did not make it. My brothers account is that is was peaceful and sweet. A woman came and played the harp. One brother, one niece, her boyfriend and her doctor were there for the passing. I was home talking to her. After, while I was talking to my brothers on the phone my mom turned off my computer. It was on in the other room, there was no loss of power, no storm, but after I got off the phone and knew she had passed I went in to turn the computer off and it was already off. I had told my mother when I talked to her to please visit me and let me know she was okay. I believe that was her. I have been strangely calm, after 3 days of a roller coaster and waiting, the wait is over. My mom is free. I am not sure when we will have the memorial, in the next month I expect and I will be going home. There are a year of firsts ahead of me. Today is the first day without my mom on the earth. It is hard, but I feel her with me and all I can do is put one foot in front of the other. It is strange how the world and time marches forth. Thank you so much for your prayers and love.XOXO

MOM

This is the hardest post I have ever written. It has been 3 days of touch and go. I have been waiting in the wings to go home and it looks like I am not going to make it. Taos is not a place where you can just hop on a plane, the airport is 3 hours away, to get anywhere takes at least 8 hours. I can't get Bella into the kennel until Thursday and my mom will be gone by then. She is not going to recover. Bella is not the kind of dog you can just drop off at a friends house. Too many issues. If mom is still with us by Friday I may make it, but the doctors have all said she won't be. I have to lend support from here. Talk to her from here. I know she feels my love and I know that is really all that counts. I will be going home at some point for my brothers and for the funeral, but for now I am here and I have to believe everything is as it should be because that is my faith.
Thank you all for your prayers. Love. XOXO

Prayers Needed

This morning early, I received a call from my brothers, my mom had a stroke and is in the hospital, we don't know anything yet. This is her second stroke, she has not been well. I am not at all sure how I can get to Portland, but I may be needed there so I am working on a place for Bella to be. For the moment I have to sit tight and wait for word. That is the hardest part. My mom hates me to blog about her, so for the most part I do not, but right now she needs prayers and good thoughts, so I am asking, it is all I can do in this moment. Thank you. XOXO
*UPDATE: I don't know much more except that she is okay, meaning, alive. They got most of the clot, but there was a bit they could not get which means she will have some problems. The part of her brain affected was speech and attention and her right side is impaired. She is still out and in ICU, so we just don't know anything real yet.
In times of great stress I am tested to try and stay in the moment, which is my spiritual practice, in an effort to not go into the future with all my fears and dread I am doing what I can in the moment. Checking in with the kennel for Bella, she needs some shots so in the morning I will call the vet. Also if I go I will need someone to take my paintings to the Taos Selects show, so I am getting them ready to hang and getting the paper work together. Also I will need money, so I will be listing more things on my ETSY site. These are really the only things I can do right now that can get me ready if I need to go. It helps to stay focused on what I know and what I can do. Being here NOW helps, it is the only thing that does.
Thank you so much for you prayers and sweet words. I will update this post as I know more.
Love.