Calm

I feel much better today, calm and able
to keep all my fears of the future at bay.
Life goes so much better it you don't
listen to that old ego voice. I try hard
to listen to spirit, but sometimes it
gets a bit confusing as to who's voice
I am hearing, spirit or ego. Most of the
time it is obvious, spirit is calm and loving,
and ego is not. However, I have found once
in a while that crafty ego likes to fool you
and tell you what you want to hear. It gets
a bit chaotic in there with all those voices
giving guidance :-). If any of you have any
advice on how to best tell the difference please
let me know. I have been working on this for
thirty years and it still hangs me up. But, today
I am doing well.

Spinning in circles

The last couple days I have felt a bit
like this monster. A bit crazy and out
of sorts. I can get like this when I feel
overwhelmed or have too many decisions
to make. I realized last night that I don't
have to make any decisions today nor do
I have to make any decisions tomorrow.
That was a huge relief :-). I also realized
that I can live each day, each moment and
make the decisions when I have to, when
it is time to make them. There is no reason
to pressure myself now. I also came to the
knowledge that when I do get to the point
when I have to make these life changing
decisions, I would be much further along
and be able to make those decisions from
a stronger and more informed place. Wow.
Now I can relax :-).

Paying attention

Lately it has been apparent to me that
it is so important to pay attention to the
thoughts that we entertain. Sometimes I
realize I am on a negative rant and all of
a sudden I am not feeling so good. Not happy.
Then I look at what I have been thinking and
I can see right away what happened. I catch
myself in the negative spin much sooner than
I used to, but still I can be in that spin for thirty
minutes before I realize what I am doing. I want
to get better at this :-). It is true there was a time
when I could be spinning downward for a couple
of days before I would catch myself, so there has
been much improvement. However, I wonder how
much lovelier my life would be if I caught those
suckers right as they were coming into my mind.
Is it even possible to do that? I think it is, but it
takes a high level of awareness, no more running
on auto pilot. It is one of my many goals for the
new year. What if we all attempted to do this?
How different would our world be?

Divine

This is one of my main men. This is
Ganeshe, the Hindu God and remover
of obstacles. I first fell in love with him
when he started coming to me in dreams.
I believe he has helped me remove many
stuck areas of my life in the last couple years.
Is he real? I have no idea, but my belief in him
makes him real to me and he blesses me.
The divine works in our lives in such mysterious
ways, who can know what is real and what isn't.
I believe this life is a dream and if that is true
anything is possible. I also believe one day we
will wake up from this dream and rest with God.
One of my goals for the coming year is to see through
the veil and wake up. Now. God's love is ours now,
here for us this very minute. I want to feel it and I
want to give it to others. I am not talking about
the God of the bible, I am talking about that loving
energy that is with us every step. I want to wake up in
the arms of Ganeshe for he embodies the divine for me.
Love abounds.

The heart of love

I have a lot on my mind, but the main things
I am thinking of are love, commitment and fear.
What makes a person commit to another?
How does one over ride the fear factor of
it not working out? Especially if there is a lot
to risk? My last post was about jumping into
the void and I am still ready to do it, but fear
has risen it's ugly head again. I am getting pretty
good at telling that old monster to get lost, but
I wish it would quit coming around. I keep coming
back to the fact that love should be enough.
I love Mr. B with a very powerful love, and I
KNOW that it can carry me through any problems
that may come up. It helps to write it down here.
I get very clear when I do. Right now there is nothing
more important to me then love.

Magic

Right now, today, I am thinking
about risk taking and leaping from
tall buildings :-). Really how else do you
get from point A to point B unless you
risk and plunge? Is it scary? Yes. Is it
necessary? Yes. You rarely get anywhere
unless you are willing to risk something.
Sometimes you risk your heart, sometimes
you risk your money, sometimes maybe
you even risk your life. Does the risk always
pay off? No. But you never know until you
try. I feel as if I am standing over a vast
void and I must jump and hope for the
very best. Either that or turn around and
go back to my safe, predictable life.
I choose to jump :-).

Happy, happy first day of the year!

I had a wonderful start to the new year, Mr. B
called me at midnight and the love went right
though the telephone wires :-). I feel so full
of love. I feel like anything can happen this year.
I am starting with a huge armful of love and delight.
Not just love for Mr. B, though that is a fierce love,
a powerful, complete love, but I am also full of love
for my family, friends, my boys, the world! Life is open
and wonderful. There are no barriers to what I want.
I walk in a world of no limits. I wish the same for all
of you. May you walk in love.
Today my plan is to make up little notes of love and
then walk about and put them in places where hopefully
people will find them. I have done this before and it feels
wonderful. Spreading the joy. I have read other blogs
where people are doing the same sort of thing and it just
warms my heart.
Have a most wonderful day! I love you.