Sunday, August 31, 2008
There was a big art opening last night at the gallery where
I show. My friends J and J went with me. I was a bit
nervous because I knew my old boss would be there.
He avoided me for a while which was easy because it
was really crowded in the gallery. However, he was soon
near enough that we had to speak to one another, so I
went first, I smiled and asked how he was then I forced him
to hug me :-). Later I saw his wife and she was just as friendly
and supportive as could be. It felt really good to force myself
to be brave and have it pay off so nicely :-). I am glad I got
that over with because I will be seeing him at functions a lot
in this town. I also had someone tell me that I had changed
their life by my example :-). Wow, no one has ever said that
to me before. The really wonderful part was yet to come.
I went to J's house with the other J and L joined us,
J's mom was also there. We shared art and talked into the evening
for hours. I was so inspired. I love my friends so much and
what is so cool is that J and J and L are men. I have found some
of my deepest and closest friendships to be with men. Don't get
me wrong I have deep, close friendships with women too, but not as
many. I am not sure why this is, but I am thrilled with the friends I have.
I felt so loved last night that I came home on a kind of cloud of joy.
I dreamed I could walk through walls and fly :-). Happy Sunday! XOXO
P.S. What made you joyful this week? Please share.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
I had never experienced it. Now I have. I felt the net
forming the minute I quit my job, which felt very
much like jumping off a cliff :-). I have another wee
job tomorrow and for the last two days I have worked
on glazing the nine clay pieces I have done. Glazing
is every bit as hard as I have been told and I am afraid
none of my pieces will be saleable, but I won't know until
they are fired. It's okay, I will learn :-). During the last few
days I have felt so calm and so loved and so very taken
care of. I KNOW all is well and I will never take or stay
in another job because of fear. This Be Brave project has
been the most powerful thing I have ever done. I am into my
second month and I am committed to it for life. I must say
it can be intense, look how much my life has changed since
I started doing it. I recommend it to anyone who is feeling
stuck or wants to change their life in a hurry :-).
Thanks for all of your moral support. I love you.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Thursday, August 21, 2008
When I asked myself what I really wanted to do (not
what should I do, or what do I have to do) the answer
was clear:ART. I want to paint, make pottery and sculptures
and write. It may take some time to get it all going, but
my plan is to do odd jobs and do my art. Mind you I have
very little money and the only thing in place is that some
of my paintings are in a gallery already. When I get new
photos taken of my work I am going to do a mass email
to almost every gallery in Santa Fe. If I have two galleries
I have more of a chance to sell. I am also going to finish my book
and sell it as an e-book. My plan for the pottery is to sell it
on the blog or open an Esty shop(Suki, would you give me
your take on that?) and sell pottery and small paintings there.
Another thing I plan to do is apply for the Krasner/Pollock grant.
In the mean time I will do any job that comes up and I may get
a weekend job at a gallery (going Saturday to check that out).
Today I got my fired pottery pieces back and they all made it!
Now I am off to begin the glazing adventure :-). I promise to
show pictures of before and after.
That in a nutshell is what I plan to do. If any self employed
of you out there has any advice, please share. Thanks.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
as shocked as anyone, but it was time and I could
not think about it or I would not have done it, and
it needed to be done. All I will say is that a human
being can only be treated like a dog so much and
then they bite back. I would have liked to have quit
in a more calm manner than I did :-), but perhaps if I
had been calm I would not have done it and like I say
it was long overdue. I have no idea what I will do, or
what is next, if I were selling paintings I would just
stay home and paint and make clay, but I am not selling
at the moment (few are), so I don't see that as an option.
I have enough to get me through until the end of September
which means I need to start making money in at least 2-3 weeks,
or else. I am still in a bit of shock about it, but I also feel
free and I feel like I have my soul back :-). Today I am just
going to let my mind wonder and dream of what I want next.
Tomorrow I may or may not take action, I may take a few days
of much needed rest first and start the job search on Monday.
If you would, pray to whatever God for me,
what I need most at this moment is guidance. Thanks!
Monday, August 18, 2008
Saturday, August 16, 2008
See this big hunk of a cat? That is my Spike and he is a most wonderful boy :-). I thought you all might enjoy this photo as I have almost nothing to say today, so this is a lazy post. So sorry, and I hope to do better next time :-). I am in a contemplative mood and must go contemplate. Have a wonderful weekend! XOXOXO
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Today was a day off, so I did errands and then I had some
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Saturday, August 9, 2008
I have abandoned it for about nine months. Why?
I had come to think it was done and I was waiting for a
friend of mine to make time to edit it. I had already rewritten
much of it and felt I could do no more. Boy was I wrong.
First, before I go any further I should tell you a little of
what my book is about: I have been on a spiritual journey
for most of my life and thought I would write a book about some
of the things I had learned, so I could help others on the journey.
In the course of the last 9 months while I was waiting for my friend
to edit my book, I have learned another 30 years worth of insights.
Much of what I wrote in the book has shifted for me. I feel
the book should reflect the truth as I believe it to be, so now I
am faced with rewriting it almost from scratch. I have
to confess it is daunting and scary. In keeping with my Be Brave
project I have begun the process :-). I miss working with my clay
and I am missing painting very much, but right now this will
be my focus for at least the next week or two perhaps even
until I am done. I want to ask the writers out there if something
like this has ever happened to them? Also are there any editors out
there that would agree to edit the book when it is done, in trade for a painting?
Would any of you be interested in reading my book when I am done?
I will keep you posted on my progress.
Have a wonderful weekend all. XOXOXO
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Mostly I have been sitting with it and doing some
research and studying, and now I am ready to let
it all out :-). It all started about 2 months ago when
I rented a DVD that intrigued me about Werner Erhard,
the man who started est which was popular in the late
seventies and early eighties. The film called "Transformation"
blew me away. Even though it just scratched the surface of the man
I could tell that Werner was a genius of the highest order.
I have spent the last 2 months reading anything I could
get my hands on about Werner. This nice man Eliezer Sobel
commented on my blog and we have emailed, he took est and
has written about it in his book "The 99th Monkey". You can read
essays he wrote about est on his site. I am still researching
and reading and falling in love with Werner Erhard. There
was a lot of bad press and allegations against Werner and I
have chosen to disregard most of it because for me the proof
is in his work and from what I can tell he helped a whole lot
of people change their lives. The words that I have read that
come from Werner himself are magic and they are life enhancing
in every way. I will quote a bit of Werner here and hopefully
that will be alright. From Werner Erhard: "Create your future from your
future not your past", "You don't have to go looking for love if
that is where you come from". Isn't that beautiful? It is to me.
I can see why the est people drove everyone nuts trying to get
their friends to go :-). I wish I had not been scared away by
all the rumors. I lived in San Francisco at the time and I could
have done est, but I chickened out (I'm sorry I was not doing the
Be Brave project back then :-). I promise I won't bore you with Werner
all the time, but I just had to share the impact he has had on me
and my spiritual journey. It is exciting to discover someone like
Werner, that can help light the way for others. I have a lot left
to learn :-). If you or anyone you know did est, I would love to hear
what you thought of it. Even if it is bad :-). I can take it. Happy Sunday.
Friday, August 1, 2008
a few insights. Some days I do 3 or 4 brave things and then some
days nothing comes up to challenge me. I figure it all evens out.
How I am doing this, is: during the day if something I need or want
to do makes me feel uncomfortable I get quiet and listen, to figure
out if it is fear or something else, like common sense :-). If it is fear
I push through it and do it anyway. It always feels good. I think I
could become addicted to this. I can't believe almost two weeks have
passed already. Something else I have noticed, it can be the smallest,
most normal things that scare me, like a making a phone call, or visiting
a new friend. I am not sure why that is, but it feels good to override
the fear. I encourage all of you to try it. You don't have to commit to
the project, but just try it out for yourself, the next time something
comes up that scares you. I promise it will enliven your life :-).
Anything that helps you be less on auto pilot is a good thing.